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We recently received this email and I thought I would respond to it here so that others too can add their thoughts:

Dear CyberBullying.us ~

I recently discovered your website as I was wandering the internet.  I read some of the stories on your site and I would just love it if you could publish my words.  I am 18 from the UK.  I have been using the internet since I was 4 years old. And I have had some experiences with ‘cyber-bullying’, as it is now called. Funny, we used to call it “people being idiots”.

As most people who have been actually bullied in real life will tell you, cyberbullying is really stupid. “Oh no. Some girl said to me in an email “ur fat lulz”. I’m scarred for the rest of my life.” Nowhere NEAR as bad as getting hit, punched, abused, ect.

I myself have had many arguements over the internet, ranging from ones that are deeply personal to stupid things. (Such as who runs the police department on a game.)

However, I feel that people are getting used to a cushy real life, going on the internet and expecting it to be all cuddles and joy. It is NOT. And it isn’t in the ‘real world’, either. I’m not saying that bullying isn’t wrong, but I am just saying that it’s a tad immature to go whinge on and on about some immature kid who called another immature kid names OVER THE DAMN INTERNET. ITS THE INTERNET, SERIOUSLY, COME ON. THEY CAN’T HURT YOU. Just dish out what they say right back to them.

Always letting my opinions be heard.

Thanks —

Alastair

Dear Alastair,

Thanks for your thoughts.  We agree that all forms of bullying are hurtful and that the physical effects of “real life” bullying can be very damaging.  I will disagree with you, however, when you assert that the effects of cyberbullying are trivial or inconsequential.  To be fair, a lot of things said and done online are relatively minor and should be ignored, but there are a lot of very serious instances of cyberbullying that result in long term harm to those who experience it.

As an 18-year-old adult, it may be hard for you to understand, but as a young teenager developing through adolescence, peer approval is everything and what your peers say to you online and off can have dramatic effects on your daily life.  And the fact that a victim can never really remove him or herself from an online bully makes it even more difficult to handle.  Some people say that victims can simply turn off their computers or cell phones to remove themselves from the situation.  Those who have been to our presentations know that this simply isn’t an adequate response.  For one thing, you don’t have to be online to be cyberbullied (e.g., if I create a web site containing rumors about you and then circulate it among others at school).  Also, since when has it been appropriate to blame the victim?  So I am being cyberbullied, and now I can’t use my computer or cell phone?  Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.  But, if you don’t believe me, and still feel that cyberbullying really isn’t that bad, feel free to contact John Halligan or Tina Meier, or any of the other parents here in the U.S. who recently lost their children due, at least in part, to the effects of peer harassment carried out online.  Cyberbullying was so unbearable for these teens that taking their own life was evidently a better option for them than living with the torment.

Thanks again for the comment and I am hopeful that you will come to understand that even though cyberbullying is not physical in nature, it is still harmful.  In the words of a 14-year-old girl who told us about her cyberbullying experience: “They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. That quote is a lie and I don’t believe in it. Sticks and stones may cause nasty cuts and scars but those cuts and scars will heal. Insultive words hurt and sometimes take forever to heal.”

Ok, now that we have discussed some of the risks and benefits of social networking, I want to return to an issue that we have discussed before on this blog.  And that is whether or not any one particular social networking environment is “safer” than the others.  And if so, how?  When I talk to adults I often hear them say that they would never let their children on MySpace, but they allow them on Facebook.  MySpace certainly received the weight of the negative attention that was directed toward online social networking over the last couple of years, but again, in essence Facebook isn’t any different.  Or is it?

We are definitely seeing a trend of adolescents migrating away from MySpace to Facebook.  In our presentations to students I we always ask how many of the attendees have profiles on MySpace and/or Facebook and the ratio has begun to shift in favor of Facebook.  I even find this to be true among my friends; even though I have been on Facebook for a couple of years, I have received more friend requests in the last several weeks than ever before (whereas hardly anyone contacts me on MySpace anymore).

What are your thoughts?  Have you also seen this trend away from MySpace and toward Facebook?  What do you think explains this?  Do you think there is a perception among the public that Facebook is safer than MySpace?

I was giving presentations at a school in Pennsylvania (last week) and got to the point in my presentation with parents and staff in the district about the risks and benefits associated with online social networking.  When talking about the issues, I try to be reasonably impartial – simply presenting the facts as I see them.  When pressed, however, I generally concede to my audiences that I believe the benefits to outweigh the risks – especially when these sites are used appropriately and responsibly.  One concerned parent in the audience had trouble with this.  His argument was that the risks clearly outweighed any potential benefit from sites like MySpace and Facebook and that they should therefore be avoided altogether by adolescents.  Instead of arguing with him, I decided to open it up to the audience and several folks identified a number of potential benefits of social networking.  So clearly there are benefits.  The question remains, however, do the benefits outweigh any potential risk?

I don’t know.  We are in a unique position as researchers in that we see the best and worst of online social networking.  We talk to adolescents (and adults for that matter) who have been harassed through these sites.  On the other hand, we also see creative writing and other expressions of adolescent identity depicted on the sites.   So what do you think?  Weigh in with your thoughts about whether or not we should encourage youth to participate in online social networking web sites.

The New York Times last week asked me my thoughts on the Megan Meier case and online misrepresentation, and I thought I’d expand on my perspective here.  First off, we have to understand why this case drew so much attention.  It was because we have a vulnerable and depressed young girl basically driven to suicide by the malicious actions of an adult and her accomplices. The plot was thickened by the fact that the adult was the young girl’s neighbor, and that the actions were carried out through interaction on the most popular online social networking site at the time.  While other youth (sadly) have taken their life in part because of cyberbullying, this case inflames our emotions and sensitivities because of its nature, the relationship between the perpetrator and the victim, and because it is in-line with much of the sensationalism surrounding the dangers of youth Internet use.

When it comes to online misrepresentation, my thoughts differ from many others out there.  I personally don’t think this case has chilling effects for the way individuals participate in Internet-based interactions (for example, by creating fake online identities).  So many do it just for convenience and because they are not comfortable giving out their personal information because of spam or increasing their chance of victimization.  This is just how it is, and I agree with that general motivation.  Eventually we may see technology that allows for age- or identity-verification without the obvious negatives of providing that information, but some of the inherent benefits of Internet-based communication will then be diminished.

Finally, I should make clear that it is still quite easy to pose as a teenager or youth online.  We have no fully useful age- or identity-verification systems in place, although entities in the corporate sector  are furiously competing with each other to develop the best one and achieve widespread adoption.  We are definitely not there yet.  That said, social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace will deal with age- or identity-misrepresentation when it is brought to their attention, but traditionally very few would report it if they stumbled upon it.  Accompanying the notoriety of this case, perhaps the grave consequences stemming from Lori Drew’s misrepresentation will lead many more Internet users to step up and inform the authorities.

I’m going to be in Washington, DC on Wednesday, December 10th and Thursday, December 11th for the Family Online Safety Institute’s annual conference, where I’ll be participating in a formal roundtable to discuss cyberbullying prevention and response and Internet safety issues.  I am really looking forward to this, as many top practitioners and authors in this field will be there.  It will be excellent to see and catch up with Anne Collier, Larry Magid, Nancy Willard, Michelle Ybarra, Sonia Livingstone, Janis Wolak, and Sam McQuade, and to talk technological strategies and solutions with some of the heavy-hitting corporations in the communications and social media stratosphere.  Look me up or set something up with me – I’ll be at the conference hotel in the early evening on the 10th for a reception dinner, and then milling about attending presentations and networking throughout the day before my 4:30pm roundtable on Thursday.