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As we work with youth-serving organizations across the nation, we often hear about how the resources we post on our web site are used. I was in New Hampshire last week, and heard that schools there makes laminated copies of our activities for kids (such as our crossword puzzle, word find, and word scramble), and then distributes them to students in classes at various elementary- and middle-school grade levels. Students then use dry-erase markers to fill them out, and then each class competes with other classes to earn the highest classroom-wide “successful completion” rate. The winning class then receives a pizza party! We thought this was a very creative (and environmentally-friendly) way to engage the minds of tech-involved tweens and teens, and get them excited about learning to do the right thing in cyberspace. If you’d like to share with us how you have recently used some of the materials and downloadables we provide, we’d love to hear from you!

I have recently been chatting with Dr. Linda Young – whose work I greatly respect – about the topic of “humor limits.” In our trainings to youth-serving professionals, Justin and I discuss how teaching adolescents when comments made cross over a line and no longer are “funny” but are “abusive” and harmful. For example, the term “food baby” is currently used among teenagers to reference their slightly enlarged or bloated stomach after eating way too much. This is generally funny when a person points out their own food baby to others, but can cross a line and be intepreted as mean-spirited, embarrassing, or otherwise rude when a person points it out in someone else who may be self-conscious about their weight.

Additionally, many things are described by youth as “retarded” or “gay” – a practice which we do not condone in the slightest. While we wish that adolescents would not use these terms at all, those who do should be very careful as it may offend one or more persons in their social audience. Those words can easily exceed a standard of acceptability in conversations, and be perceived as prejudicial, hateful, and harassing.

Due to the anonymity, pseudonymity, and freedom that online communication allows as compared to face-to-face interactions, humor limits are easily crossed – and many statements made on Facebook walls and comment threads in an attempt to be sarcastic or humorous end up inflicting harm. This can at times be considered cyberbullying, and often leads to hurt feelings and broken friendships. We would do well to share various examples of this phenomenon with kids – and discuss them in detail – so that they more readily think about their audience and how their words might be interpreted before posting or sending potentially inflammatory content.

We have long thought that one of the best ways to deal with cyberbullying (from prevention through intervention) is to involve teens.  Including youth is essential in any comprehensive and coordinated community response to cyberbullying.  Earlier in the week Sameer posted a blog discussing the ways that older teens can be used to mentor their younger counterparts in learning how to use technology safely and responsibly.  As a follow-up to that discussion, we just published a fact sheet that includes 10 ideas for practical activities that teens can easily do to work to prevent cyberbullying in their communities. This, however, is just a starting point.  What other ideas do you have that can allow teens to get actively involved in preventing or responding to cyberbullying?

The concept of peer mentoring generally involves older students advising and counseling younger students about issues affecting them. Since younger adolescents tend to look up to (and seek to emulate) older adolescents, this dynamic can be exploited to teach important lessons about the use of computers and communications technology. Peer mentoring has been fruitful in reducing traditional bullying and interpersonal conflict within schools and, as such, should be considered in a comprehensive approach to preventing cyberbullying as well. Accordingly, newer cohorts of students can learn from the wisdom of adolescents who have already experienced online aggression and have figured out effective ways to deal with it. This wisdom may sink in more quickly and deeply since it comes from peers rather than adults, as kids have the tendency to tune out adults when being taught certain life lessons (can you relate to that?).  As we’ve heard from a mother in California: “Parents and teachers can get up and preach, but if they hear it from another kid, they will remember it.”  On a larger scale, these efforts can significantly and positively affect the social climate within the school community, benefitting youth and their families, teachers and staff, and the community as a whole.

As Mike Tully, a noted school law attorney points out: “Never overlook the possibility of using students themselves as agents of change.”

The basic purpose of peer mentoring is to employ older students to change the way younger students think about the harassment or mistreatment of others in certain situations. Mentors can also be utilized to help younger students appreciate the responsibility and risks associated with the use of computers, cell phones, and the Internet. To illustrate, one student mentor states, “I have started to talk to other children who have had a similar experience and try and help them because they are going through the same thing that I went through and it helps to talk to people who understand. I tell them to be brave and not to worry because everything will be okay.”

Overall, the goal is to encourage youth to take responsibility for the problem and to work together in coming up with a solution. It also seeks to foster respect and acceptance of others—no matter what—and to get kids to see how their actions affect others and how they can purposefully choose behaviors that promote positive peer relations.  This, then, can drastically affect the quality of the school environment by shaping the climate in which students and educators work, learn, and act.

Highly adaptable, depending on individualized needs, peer mentoring can be accomplished in a number of ways. For example, one-on-one sessions might take place where a high schooler is called in to meet with a middle school victim to offer support and help. Or high school students could regularly talk to groups of middle schoolers in the cafeteria during lunch. A few high school students could also organize a presentation for small classroom-sized (20+) middle school groups. Finally, skits can be presented in auditoriums or cafeterias by high schoolers for assemblies of younger students. All of these interactions can be comprised of one or more activities. Schools can utilize older students to convey a number of important messages of Internet safety and responsibility to younger students, including:

- Reiterating that they are not alone in experiencing victimization and the resultant pain, rejection, humiliation, and loneliness

- Encouraging them to speak up and not remain silent when confronted with cyberbullying

- Sharing one or more highly relatable vignettes or stories about cyberbullying

- Explaining the “language” of cyberbullying, including the relevant terms and technology

- Describing positive ways in which conflict between peers can be de-escalated or resolved

- Using role-playing examples to get students thinking about the various ways to address a cyberbullying situation

- Providing an opportunity to discuss and answer any questions, clarify any confusion, and reinforce how to deal with cyberbullying problems

Over time and as needed, additional formal and informal lessons—as well as continued interaction between the high school mentors and the middle school mentees—can occur.

The Cyberbullying Research Center has created a comprehensive peer mentoring program involving adult facilitators, high-school mentors, and middle-school participants (known as “Torchbearers”).  A specific and detailed manual has been written for these roles, and involves ten unique lessons and step-by-step directions as to how best to successfully administer the curriculum.  Incrementally and cumulatively, this program will allow schools to mobilize motivated older students to change the way younger students think about the harassment or mistreatment of others online. It will also help younger students appreciate the responsibilities and risks associated with the use of computers, cell phones, and the Internet.

Our Anti-Cyberbullying Peer Mentoring Program has been designed to encourage youth to take responsibility for the problem and to work together in coming up with a solution – so that they themselves can be agents of change. The program also fosters respect and acceptance of others – no matter their differences.  Finally, it enables kids to see how their individual and group actions affect the emotions and lives of others, and how they can purposefully choose behaviors that promote positive peer relations.

If you look at any “Top Ten List of Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe Online” that you find on the Internet, no doubt one of the recommendations that you will find near the top is: “Keep the family computer in a common area of the house.”  While this is sage advice, it is also overly simplistic.  First of all, everyone has a friend who has a computer in their bedroom.  In fact, 56% of youth in our most recent survey reported that they had a computer that was connected to the Internet in their bedroom at home.  So your child will simply go to someone else’s house to surf in privacy.  Second, they can often access the Internet at school or at the local library.  You might think that filters will prevent your child from accessing inappropriate content, but think again.  Ask your typical teen and they can talk you through ways around filters.  And while teachers and librarians try to monitor computer usage, it can be difficult to continuously watch.  Finally, if your child has a web-enabled cell phone, they have a computer in their pocket – no need for a big clunky machine in their bedroom.  Nearly 50% of the students in our most recent survey said they could access the Internet from their cell phone.

I tend to take a slightly different view of this particular problem than most.  Without a doubt, parents need to monitor what their kids are doing online.  But instead of completely prohibiting access at home or in one’s bedroom, consider being more creative.  For example, maybe you allow your teen to have the family laptop in their rooms for one hour each night for approved purposes only (e.g., homework).  You tell your daughter that you have installed tracking software and that you will review everything that she has done on the computer on a regular basis and if she violates the agreed-upon rules, the technology will be taken away.  On the other hand, if she demonstrates responsibility over a period of time, then additional privileges will gradually be granted.  For example, maybe at some point you allow your child to go onto Facebook for up to an hour per day (after homework and housework is done!).  Another condition of Facebook usage might be that they help you (the parent) set up your own profile and then they must be your friend.  That way you can see everything that your child is doing on the site and ask them about unwise postings or unfamiliar people.  Doing this at a relatively early age (13 or 14) will help to instill responsible practices at an age when they will still listen to you.  If you wait until they are older (16 or 17), you will likely miss the boat and they may have already established questionable practices.

In short, I would like to suggest that parents be creative about encouraging responsible technology usage.  Don’t assume that your child will have the knowledge necessary to make good decisions while online.  We take a long time to teach our kids how to drive a car, and eventually we have to let them drive alone.  We only do this after many many hours of practice and instruction.  Some will get into accidents or receive speeding tickets.  Many will not.  The same is true with technology. If given instruction and guidance, I am confident that most teens will avoid the pitfalls associated with technology.  Ultimately, parents themselves are the best judge of their child’s ability to be responsible, and frankly some kids will not respond well to the added responsibility and privilege.  Parents know when to sign their child up for driver’s education classes, when to have them get behind the wheel for the first time, and when to turn them loose on their own (after getting their license or course).  Parents also have a responsibility to ride shotgun with their kids on the information superhighway.  Putting the time in early will pay dividends over the long haul.