Canadian Cyberbullying Educator and Speaker Lissa Albert has been looking into the phenomenon of Fake Memorial Pages on Facebook, and whether these should be construed as simple, harmless pranks – or if they can be a form of harassment and, ultimately, cyberbullying with the significant potential for emotional and psychological harm. We wanted to make sure our readers knew what was going on, and of course provide them an opportunity to weigh in. As such, I asked her to write up her perspective and findings, which is below. Feel free to contact her with any followup!
Prank: (noun) A practical joke or mischievous act.
What is a prank? The dictionary says it’s a “joke.” Or a “mischievous act.” One would think pranks are not serious. However, in this day and age of technology, pranks are fast becoming ways to harass, torment, and cyberbully people online.
Take, for example, a recent story published on Buzzfeed. The story was originally (alarmingly) written with instructions on how to “kill your Facebook friend.” The author gave easy instructions – step by step – for turning a Facebook page into a memorial page. In 2009 Facebook introduced the ability for friends and family to memorialize the Facebook page of a user who dies. What happens is that the page is converted into a memorial page and deactivated from normal updates; this prevents friends from getting alerts about the deceased user. It also allows friends and family to preserve the page without having sensitive information online (contact information, for example) and prevents any new friend requests.
The problem with this is that anyone can request a Facebook account become a memorial page. When the user tries to log into their account, they get the following:
Account Inaccessible:
This account is in a special memorial state. If you have any questions or concerns, please visit the Help Center for further information.
The above-mentioned article gave explicit instructions as to how to do that. All that is needed, other than the user’s name and email (often displayed right on the page) is proof of death; this usually takes the form of a URL to a death notice, funeral home, anything that would “prove” the user is dead. For purposes of the article, the author faux-memorialized a colleague. She searched for an obituary with her colleague’s name. The death notice she chose did not remotely match up with the user she was going to memorialize for her experiment. In her own words:
The details of this obituary don’t match up at all – this guy is way older, and lives in Nebraska instead of New York.
Even worse, the names aren’t even spelled the same: he’s “Herrmann” (double R, double N) whereas the John I’m killing is “Herrman” (double R, single N)
(Note the inflammatory language she uses for her experiment)
She showed how easy it is to do this without needing much verifiable proof.
The original article included no instructions as to how to reactivate one’s account – only that “if this happens to you, it is easy enough to get your account back.” Perhaps due to a letter written to the author and a comment left on the site, the article was amended to include two “warnings”:
“WARNING: Don’t do this. It’s at the very least a pain in the ass for your friends.”
and a new title that is less inflammatory but still enticing enough:
How Almost Anyone Can Take You Off Facebook (And Lock You Out)
with the following in the subtitle:
Getting your buddy’s Facebook account turned into a “Memorial” state is surprisingly easy — and locks them out of Facebook. Warning: this will seriously mess up someone’s account.
Frankly, that kind of “warning” is all that may be needed to encourage a potential cyberbully.
The amended article also provides instructions for recovering one’s account. In fact, it is not easy at all for the user to recover the account. The original source for last week’s story (Rusty Foster) had it happen to him, and it took over 27 hours to get Facebook to reactivate him.
In researching further, I found out that this is not the first time a false memorial site has been requested. In 2009, Simon Thulbourn was unable to log into his Facebook page, receiving the notice that it was now a memorial account. He subsequently found out that the obituary used to convert his page didn’t even pertain to a deceased person with his name; rather, the reverend performing the service at a funeral was someone with a name similar to Thulbourn’s. It is obvious that whoever it is turning pages into memorials as per the forms filled out is not even checking the data properly to ensure that the memorial is truly accurate. It took a blog entry that he wrote and publicized describing his experience for Facebook to finally reinstate him as an active (live) user.
Facebook has not changed its process since 2009 when the method was first introduced. Users get no email nor do they get any way of confirming that they are alive (a time-sensitive email sent to the original email would be a perfect failsafe; if the user fails to respond within a set time, their page is memorialized. A live user would obviously respond).
Facebook released a statement in the recent case of Rusty Foster:
“We have designed the memorialization process to be effective for grieving families and friends, while still providing precautions to protect against either erroneous or malicious efforts to memorialize the account of someone who is not deceased,” the statement reads. “We also provide an appeals process for the rare instances in which accounts are mistakenly reported or inadvertently memorialized.”
(The old “asking for forgiveness instead of permission” approach should not be used in this case)
A big part of the problem is that this story has been publicized in the news and on social media, but the bigger problem is a site dedicated to what they call “social news” providing step-by-step instructions for how to “kill” a user on Facebook without their knowing it. And without their ever being able to prevent it.
How is this cyberbullying? Consider this: The adults who were locked out were discouraged, annoyed, and even angry. But imagine a kid, a teen, someone who may already be experiencing incidents of bullying at school, cyberbullying online – or both. Imagine that kid finding out s/he has been locked out of their Facebook account because s/he is ostensibly “dead.” As we know all too well, someone in an already-battered state of mind and diminished self-esteem can easily be pushed to the edge of despair. And at the very least, the article – which shows gross irresponsibility in its almost gleeful tone and step-by-step cyberbullying instructions – provides a new way for would-be cyberbullies to begin harassing new or favorite targets.
Cyberbullying happens all the time, and the last thing we need is new and more in-depth ways of helping those who bully. As adults, we need to model responsible online behavior. Aside from adults in a kid’s life, journalists, websites, and social media sites must provide positive examples of how the online world can be used and not expand the repertoires of bullies and tormentors.
When Simon Thulbourn’s account was converted, he had no access to his home page on Facebook. He received a screenshot from some friends who showed him how he was getting mock “Rest in Peace” messages. Imagine a kid who is now not only locked out of Facebook but is probably receiving those types of messages from the person who has created this situation and others who have joined in. We have seen the tragic reality of teenagers who have taken their own lives; we’ve seen the horrific postings of denigrating comments about those teens right on their own Facebook pages posthumously, as well as the recent example of Amanda Todd’s YouTube video and the terribly abusive comments she received after death. She never saw them but her family did. A target of this “prank” is easily the target of abusive comments on his/her own Facebook wall. And that teen will see the comments, which can only serve to further lower an already-damaged self-esteem.
As one of the key elements of cyberbullying is that it is repeated behavior, the potential for cyberbullying in the form of hurtful comments on a fake memorial page is significant. The loss of one’s Facebook page through the willful, hurtful actions of another is the first step to this form of cyberbullying, but add to that the comments the user will see when the account is reactivated, and the results could be unspeakable.
It is always sad when someone dies but it is potential cyberbullying when someone is memorialized as a “prank.” Perhaps the author of said article will heed the repeated request to take the story offline. But as it’s been up for at least a week, damage may already be done. Perhaps Facebook will finally put into place proper measures of verifying memorial page requests as well as sending warning letters to users who are about to lose access to their pages. In the absence of either of those things happening, let’s be vigilant and continue to discuss the results of such “pranks” with our youth.
Tag Archives: tweens
Resources to Teach Your Students about Cyberbullying and Online Responsibility
Now is the time to start thinking about what *you* are going to do to educate your students about cyberbullying, digital citizenship, online responsibility, and overall safety. A key to any educational effort is consistent reinforcement of the messages you want students to incorporate into their daily lives. Convening an all-school assembly on these topics once each schoolyear is not sufficient. But bringing up online issues even for just a few minutes regularly (daily!) can be very effective. No matter what your area of teaching expertise is, you can talk about digital citizenship. When it comes to educating your students about online issues, there is no need to reinvent the wheel. There are tons of great resources freely available on the web. You already know about our site, but in case you haven’t explored it fully, below are just a couple of examples of activities you can incorporate into your classes.
Cyberbullying Word Find. You can start a discussion about cyberbullying with a fun activity that introduces important terms and concepts to your students. After all of the words are found you can talk about what they mean and how to avoid problems. Or you could separate the word list from the sheet and announce them one at a time and briefly discuss them as they are found! One school we talked to laminated our Word Find (and our Crossword Puzzle and Word Scramble) and used them over and over in different upper elementary classes and the class that solved them the quickest one a pizza party!
Quizzes. We have three short online quizzes that you can use to assess your student’s knowledge about cyberbullying: The Facts about Cyberbullying; Dealing with Cyberbullying; and Addressing Cyberbullying. You can work through these in a computer lab or if personal devices are allowed in your school, you can direct your students to the site to complete the quizzes on their phone, tablet, or laptop. If those aren’t options, you can always print off the quiz and distribute it the old fashioned way! You can have students work in teams and give extra credit for those who get them all correct. After they are done with our quizzes, have each student (or team of students) search reputable sites online to come up with their own questions and answers!
Ideas to Get Teens Involved. In our presentations we talk a lot about how it takes a coordinated and comprehensive community effort to prevent and respond to cyberbullying. Parents, educators, law enforcement officers, faith leaders, and other community partners all have an essential role to play. But so do the teens themselves. There are a lot of great things youth can do to educate their community about cyberbullying – while learning a thing or two themselves. When working with small groups of teens I often ask teams of 4 or 5 students to come up with 2 creative ideas that they could do to educate their school and community about cyberbullying. One idea needs to be something that they *will do* within the next month and the other idea can be something that they would do if resources were unlimited. They always come up with some amazing ideas! One senior once told me that if money were no option he would get the whole school to go skydiving over the community with parachutes that said “Say No to Cyberbullying” on them. Great idea! What ideas do your students have? Get them involved and invested in creating and maintaining a bully-free culture in your school.
Pause Before You Post. Sameer and I partnered with Jostens to create “A Student’s Guide to Personal Publishing” that summarizes the issues that students need to keep in mind when posting information to the World Wide Web. You can use this guide to start a discussion with your students about some of the problems they see when looking at friends’ profiles. You can also take a few minutes to find some examples from the media where teens from your state or celebrities have gotten into some hot water because of what they have posted on the Internet. Taking the time to pause before you post anything online is always wise. If your school orders class rings or yearbooks from Jostens, ask your local representative about a complete “Pause Package” that includes a DVD, buttons, and other instructional materials.
These are just a few examples of how you can use our resources in your efforts to educate your students or children about cyberbullying and related issues. Please do explore the other resources we have for teens, educators, and parents. And let us know how you are using these and what is working! If you have any suggestions for new resources, drop us a note – we’d love to hear from you! We will share some additional suggestions in upcoming blog posts. There are a number of other great sites out there that have resources that we will highlight, so stay tuned! If you know of any, please let us know so we can spread the word. Also, if you are an educator thinking about teaching a whole class on cyberbullying or digital citizenship (at any level), stay tuned for a forthcoming blog post about what we and others we know have done that works.
How young is too young for Facebook?
This is a common question I receive from many parents: “At what age should I give my child a cell phone or allow them to be on Facebook?” Of course this is not an easy question to answer since every child is different and parents themselves are probably in the best position to determine the most appropriate age. That said, I usually advise parents to think about allowing access to certain devices or web environments a little bit earlier than they might think is the right time. The issue really is that parents need to be the ones who introduce the technology to the child, not the youth’s peers. If parents wait too long or try to convince themselves that their child has no interest in Facebook, then odds are good that the child will learn about the site from a friend and set up a profile without the parent’s knowledge.
I recently spoke to a teacher who is a parent of a 5th grader who asked my opinion about whether her son should be on Facebook. I told her that it probably wasn’t a good idea. It is a violation of Facebook’s terms of use, and agree with them or not, parents shouldn’t encourage their children to break the rules. Thankfully there are many other emerging sites that are designed exclusively for tweens, such as togetherville, which interfaces with Facebook. Admittedly, it is difficult to get younger social networkers excited about these alternatives since “all of their friends are already on Facebook.”
And some data suggests that they are right: Consumer Reports recently reported that as many as 13% of Facebook’s American users are under the age of 13 (about 7.5 million kids). And half or more of the students I speak to Facebook hasn’t completely ignored their rules, however, as they reportedly remove tens of thousands of under-aged youth every day. Of course if a user lies about his or her age when setting up the profile, it is very difficult for Facebook to know whether someone is underage so they rely on reports of violators.
This leads to another question I get: “If I see a person on Facebook who I know to be under 13, should I report the user?” This too is a complicated question. My response used to automatically be “yes.” If they are violating the rules, they should not be on the site. I have tempered my response a bit in recent months, informed by insights from colleagues, educators, and Internet safety experts. In general, whether or not to report an under-aged user depends on whether you have a concern about them being on the site—based on what you know about the user and/or what you see on his or her profile. If you are worried that their activities on Facebook could lead to significant social, educational, physical, or other problems, then you have an obligation to report (to the site or the youth’s parents, or both). If you see a 12-year-old whom you know well who is on the site and they have their privacy settings adjusted so that all of their information is protected to the maximum extent possible, perhaps it isn’t necessary to report the user. You still might want to take the person aside and talk about some of the concerns you have (posting too much personal or identifiable information, meeting someone in real life who they only know online, including gossiping or harassing content, etc.) to encourage him or her to continue making good decisions about their online activities. As Larry Magid, tech journalist and internet safety advocate points out, changing the rules to allow younger users on Facebook would create opportunities for the site to incorporate protections that just aren’t in place when kids lie about their age. This is certainly a perspective that should be considered.
Overall, parents should provide gradual and guided access to technology. Maybe, for example, you give your son a cell phone at age 10, but to start the only persons he can call are mom and dad. After a couple of months if he demonstrates appropriate behaviors you can add selected others. Then add texting. Show him the cell phone bill every month so he knows his contribution to the family expenses. Stress that the phone is a privilege that can be taken away with misuse. If he makes a mistake, take a step back. If he is texting at the dinner table, explain to him why this is unacceptable. If he is talking to friends all hours of the night, confiscate the phone for a while. I suspect that if more parents were actively involved in encouraging the responsible use of technology, even at a relatively young age, there would be fewer and less serious problems later in their adolescent lives.
Using Public Service Announcements To Prevent Cyberbullying
A fun and often-recommended activity to engage youth in considering the responsible use of technology and promoting that message across the student body (or beyond) involves the creation of Public Service Announcements (PSAs). These are creative and informative videos designed to bring attention to a problem relevant to a certain audience, and make a memorable point about it. Often, they promote awareness of a particularly compelling social issue, and work to encourage individuals to act in positive, appropriate ways. They also tend to have a “coolness” factor not present in a handful of other awareness initiatives.
By way of illustration, a group of students can be assigned the task of creating an Anti-Cyberbullying PSA by using a digital video camera, digital camera, cell phone (which they all usually have on hand!), or even a web cam. Typically, they are instructed to brainstorm, plan, and then write out an instructive and memorable script or story while also figuring out backdrops and scenes. It can be short (around 30 seconds) or longer (a few minutes in length) – depending on the content covered and the intent of the video. Of course, it just shouldn’t drag on; it should be as concise and as hard-hitting as possible. These can then be uploaded to YouTube, TeacherTube, or a similar online video repository, with the web address shared widely to inform and educate others about the issue – via email, messages, or perhaps on the school’s official web site. They can also be shown to students in classrooms or through the morning or afternoon video announcements during the school day.
Teaching youth how to make wise decisions with their online participation and interaction seems to work better through repeated reminders that pique their conscience and bring the issue to the forefront of their mind. Perhaps after witnessing correct and healthy behavior by a peer acting out a role in a Public Service Announcement video, a student might be more inclined to mirror that behavioral choice when presented with a social opportunity in which he or she has a decision to make. Perhaps it will induce him or her to “do the right thing” after seeing someone else model that action.
Here are some examples of some student-created PSA videos we have seen:
To be sure, public service announcements don’t have to be “videos” – they can take the picture of colorful posters replete with word art, digital photos, bulletpoints, short narratives and stories, and anything else students may want to include. We encourage schools to administrate the creation of poster PSAs in any class, simply as a very relevant task for students while they discuss and share about cyberbullying, safe social networking, sexting, and other forms of teen technology misuse. This doesn’t need to occur in a computer-themed class – it can occur in a math class, a science class, an English class, a physical education class. In fact, it should occur wherever students are, because it is highly relevant to them.
Adults often complain that it is difficult to obtain and then retain the attention of youth. To that we say, talk to them about these technology-related issues, and give them assignments (such as these PSAs) to *engage* and align their minds and hearts with positive use! If you can connect with them on this level, their ears will perk up and they will lock in to what you have to say. Trust us, give it a try, and let us know how it worked for you!
Here are some examples of some student-created PSA posters we have seen:



If you know of any others – please share them with us and our readers!
Tattling vs Telling
As we work with increasingly younger kids to educate them about the responsible use of technology, we find it extremely important to discuss how they should respond to being cyberbullied. Central to this conversation is covering the difference between “tattling” and “telling.” Perhaps you are extremely familiar with this distinction – but if not, read on. We really need elementary, middle, and even high school youth to understand that we as adults totally “get” that they don’t want to be labeled as narcs, or rats, or tattletales, or whatever the preferred derogatory term is. We understand. We know that teens are hesitant to come to adults for help in part because they are concerned that word will get out that they couldn’t handle the harassment or mistreatment and snitched on the cyberbully. But, we want all youth to realize that it is okay to get help. No one should have to deal with someone else inflicting emotional or psychological pain on them. If you have been the target of cyberbullying, you can’t dismiss it – it affects you and it would affect me. It’s real, and your feelings matter, and you don’t need to always try to suck it up. You want it to stop. If you could get the bully to stop, this wouldn’t be an issue. Perhaps you have a tied, but they just won’t stop. And this is where we as adults can help. But only if we know what is going on.
Teens must very clearly understand how dissimilar “tattling” and “telling” are. *Tattling* is when you are intentionally trying to get another student in trouble for something that they did which, honestly, doesn’t really bother you. *Telling* is completely different, and involves going to an adult and informing them so they know “what’s up” – any immoral or unethical or dangerous or destructive or hateful or threatening behavior that has really affected you (or someone else) on some level. Maybe your feelings have been hurt pretty badly. Maybe you feel scared for your own safety. Maybe you have been completely humiliated. Maybe people are saying stuff that is completely or even partially untrue – and it is ruining your reputation. Again, if you could make the problem go away on your own, this wouldn’t be an issue. But sometimes, you just can’t. And so you have got to tell – or inform – an adult.
Mostly, we as adults don’t want youth to just feel like they have to “take it” and just be an emotional or psychological punching bag for someone else. We want them to feel empowered to 1) acknowledge that what is being done to them is not right, and 2) get help. Hopefully, the adults to whom they go to will first validate the child’s feelings and then calmly and rationally work with that child to come to a mutually-agreeable response plan without flying off the handle. The worst possible thing is to respond in a way that makes the situation worse for the victim and convinces them (and everyone they tell) that the best response is to suffer silently because talking to an adult about the situation will just backfire.
Finally, you may be an adult who is constantly dealing with “tattling” and find yourself naturally hesitant to believe the story of the child in front of you. Take your time in assessing the facts and determining whether meaningful mistreatment is taking place. It very well could be, and you don’t want to regret trivializing harm that is reported to you. Finally, if you are a young person and are really needing the adult you approach to believe you, emphasize to them that you understand the difference between tattling and telling – and need for them to take you seriously. It sounds so basic, but sometimes that is what it takes for some adults to pick up on the gravity of the situation and be compelled to action.


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